a certain je ne sais quoi fail.
yes terday, i was supposed to meet this girl. so i washed my hair, combed my hair, slicked my hair and even combed it, then clothed myself and left the house early, got on the bus. when she messaged me and cancelled. i simply sighed and continued reading my book, but inside i was like…
are you fucking serious?!
that incident really topped off this horrible week. getting flaked on when on the way there was really the last straw. i didn’t even know what to do… i just sat on the bus, and read my book. the sore throat was getting more and more horrible with each cough. fyp woes in the back of my head. but mainly that niggling feeling that i was being taken for a ride. but wait, i was in a bus, so hey, a ride it was.bad writing.
so anyways, i ended up at cjc… and novena and at ion later on, where i met two bags vying for my affectation, whilst a lovely zara sweater rejected me.
went back home and slept till 2 pm today.
____________ _ _ _
____________ _ _ _
3 nights in a row. i have come home to an empty house. i want to say it was an horrible experience, but I’ve always wanted to live alone/// so i was just getting what i wanted. i think coming home to a empty house, which is normally full of people is quite disconcerting thou.
____________ _ _ _
kader_ ive been wanting to use this phrase for the last week, but have never had the chance : i would happily go medival on your ass, if if didn’t cost so much.
kader_thats a dealbreaker_moety
a certain je ne sais quoi
i dont have it, but today, im gonna act like i do. charlie sheen, channel me your cool!
____ _ _ _
wednesday nights lan session was a very bad choice. i lost one day of my life thanks to that. when i finally got back on thursday morning. i was nursing a slightly sore throat and slept till about 4 after which i woke up and slept again till 12. then i spent the rest of the night stoning. not a good day.
____ _ _ _
kader_
last cigarette ever.
community, glee, parks and recreation, modern family, hung, dark blue, sanctuary, the mentalist, merlin, sanctuary, the big bang theory, 30 rock, castle, bones.
these are the shows i watch. and they are really really good. ok some of them are. the rest are just easy to get a hold of and provide a nice background noise whilst drawing. but from this week onwards, its gonna be just animate and animate… so im gonna have to part with them. and i gladly will, if only.
___________ _ _ _
i dont know what this movie is about, and i dont really care. but it has an awesome poster.there is so much u can get out of it. its a movie about women, something intimate, someting violent, something blood. the character is fractured. the negative space forming the hand and the vag, to really keep it that simple and iconic, yet have such a punch…
i cant seem to figure out who designed it, but it does remind me of my favourite designer ever, saul bass…
he did…
and 
i wanna do this kind of stuff man. so godly. so in awe.
___________ _ _ _
this graffiti is gorgeous. the toning work is insane man.
_________ _ _ _
kader_body works? i think thats a plan.
35 hour powr.
30 second sketches. quick and loose baby, quick and loose!
then do some 5 minutes pieces. push the pose, get those muscles and angles in yeah!
20 minutes constructed poses. learn to see those shadows and flats and perspective, perspective, perspective!
and finally top it all off with a 27 hour marathon. slowly scratching in form and contour. look at the body as patches of light. learn to fake the form. its all about beauty baby. make him a wood sculpt. then turn him into well oiled wood. maybe even brushed metal, but never chrome.
ive spent so much time looking at this guy i can actually draw this pose from memory -_-
_________ _ _ _
kader_fulfilling week.
creativity
unique is a lie, a distant dream. its all about sources and derivatives. today, i did some drawing, and did more drawing and more drawing. i think ive come a long way in the past year as a user of the pencil and eraser. i want to spend time honing what ive learnt so that i can progress as an artist even more.but artists never make any money, so you gotta be a designer as well.
i am in heaven when doing figure drawing, i hope i can finally get one portfolio peice done. mmn, ive started animating again.
things are looking good. mickeys coming back. my dads coming over soon. moving into hall. going out, doing fun stuff…
____________ _ _ _
kader_
____________ _ _ _
kader_i met you todae, and its been palpitations ever since.
Putain, je déteste l’école
pour aujourd’hui, je sortir avec mes amis. la nuit etait interessante.
________________ _ _ _
kader_trying my best to remember french.
kader_ its a bit of a sting to win third place in the graffiti competition. like seriously… i’m amazed we lost. oh well, more battles to be won then.
if your body matches what your eyes can do.
______________ _ _ _
______________ _ _ _
kader_ have been totally living devoid of human contact for the past 2 days. today i pick up the pen and the pencil and the eraser and perspective and return to my paper and draw my stuff with style and aplomb and do this well because it needs to be done well.
kader_ hari raya haji was alright. not as fun as hari raya puasa. but i guess tts just how it goes. and you looked for me. so ill look for you. and thats how it’ll start.
kader_
_______________ _ _ _
i hope i can draw this well sometime soon.
i know a life changing kiss when i see one…
_________________ _ _ _
watching thres awesome shows.
Glee, Community and Modern Family.
watch them.
singaporean vernacular, new graffiti ideas, glee clubs, missing cdp 101.
_________________ _ _ _
ahh, chill the lax.
_________________ _ _ _
kader, you are an agnostic.
kader, ooo that dress so scandalous, when i look in your eyes so devilish.
kader, that’s a tough road for most high school boys.
kader_i hide my tears from the crowd… by smiling.
les exams putain presque terminee! bon courage mon amis! j’taime a vous tous!
________________________ _ _ _
created another character.
did some graffiti calvin and ren rong over the weekend. it was fun.
_____________________ _ _ _
kader. decided to give up on business todae.
kader. i have slipped and fallen on my knee twice since my initial accident. i keep having nightmares of myself being chased and in yesterdays one i actually got caught. so i have decided to take it easy and chill the shit out.
______________________ _ _ _
firstly some random thoughts.
i am thoroughly amazed at how good the posing and timing on robot chicken is. well i guess its my fault for lumping them together with family dad and american guy. this is better than alot of animation i see tv, and its friggin stop mo can!
_____________________ _ _ _
It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe
mohamed ali
sometimes life
_____________________ _ _ _
Something I was discussing with my friends earlier on was that perhaps our experience watching a play we were supposed to review was somewhat impaired because we went to the play with the intention to write about the play so we were approaching the play with an analytical mind already, breaking down what was unfolding before us and jotting down notes. Something to keep in mind
_____________________ _ _ _
gustav klimt. the most famous geek ever? think about it.
_____________________ _ _ _
some awesome dream of some kind
one old guy(me) and two guys and a kid running away from some nazi guards
_____________________ _ _ _
kader_ahh…
Oh putain, je déteste l’école! Mais Je t’aime, donc je continue :3
but first.
cdp 101 is over! i love my teammates!i hope i see you guys next sem! this was definitely the most fulfilling module Ive had since 3d production! thanks for bringing excitement back into my life (:
__________________ _ _ _
for people wanting to see some really good scripted? emotions on tv, for acting/ animation reference, xfactor and britains got talent are great shows. everyweek, some really real shit goes down. for example, this week, lucie jones, the very pretty after makeup brunette got kicked, and danni came out to support her, cos in xfactor, the judges are also mentors, so they become more attached to them. anyways, danni’s little protege, lucie, kinda sucked last week, so she was kicked off, which was pretty unfair cos there are far worse singers in the show. lucie was already disintegrating, but then danni actually came up to the stage and apologised to her going, ” it shouldn’t have happened, i obviously did something wrong” which completely floored lucie, who chocked back ” no, you didn’t, you were beautiful” in a way only a young girl from wales with bad teeth and average looks whose one single chance at stardom had just been crushed in favour of a couple to tween twins who week in week out produced singing that makes me sound decent, could manage. pure tv magic. im sure tissue paper sales in britain went spiked yesterday night.
__________________ _ _ _
Singaporeans are glad they are in Singapore. but they don’t like Singapore. they wish they were somewhere else, like America, Australia, Europe or Japan. i always wondered why. i mean, sure america and yada yada are defintiely nicer places to stay, but whats wrong with sg? why does it have to be a practical reason for us to stay in the sg, like western countries are racist, other s.e.a countries are fucked up, etc etc. i think one of the reasons is because there are not enough movies that make one proud to be singaporean… u know what i mean. seriously man. like the americans have… like, the patriot, pearl harbour, independance day, air force one. i mean, we dont have that kinda awesome, hear string tugging type movies in sg right? the closest ones we have are kallang roar and singapore gaga, although gaga is more about the quirkiness of singapore, which, outside the context of the movie, is quite hard to appreciate. i think this is because the gov wants to have a hand in everything, including the charm of singapore. and since we dont really play a part in that, its hard for us to feel any attachment.
but do not despair, Singaporeans and Immigrants alike. i have high hopes for singapore art, which has a real chance of gelling society together. oh those secondary school crushes we had!
_________________ _ _ _
created a new character, an improvement over the old fox. its the one on the right btw… the other right in mirror image terms.
comics class has been a series of hits and misses. sonny hits me in the head for making lousy comics, and every week i miss the point of the lecture and make crap. haha. cant say id do it any other way thou. i have learnt the art of graphic storytelling to the extenct that my patience and skill allows. from this point onwards, its about self exploration and such and such.
_________________ _ _ _
being thrifty or spending a lot?
_________________ _ _ _
_________________ _ _ _
i learn french for this one reason. i love it when they talk thrashy!
__________________ _ _ _
you can get killed just for living. your american skin.
The event even spurred subsequent social psychology research. Eberhard and colleagues (2004) conducted experiments with police officers which revealed that they took longer to decide to not shoot an unarmed black target than an unarmed white target, and were quicker to decide to shoot an armed black target than an armed white target.[2]
____________________ _ _ _
why is 3 better than 2 or 1, but 4 too much?
something interesting, or rather, an unwritten rule in story telling, or anything really, dictates that things happen in 3s. if your hero needs to go somewhere, during the journey, 3 things have to happen to him. he has to have 3 friends. his Adidas has 3 stripes on it, etc etc…
i wonder why…
__________________ _ _ _
kader and glazed eyes.
i tend to have two different type of conversation with people. when im interested, i will still engage them, but my eyes will be looking at everything other than the people im talking to. when im not interested… glazed eyes. look out for it.
________________ _ _ _
kader.
a little stream of consciousness.
what am i doing; playing ping pong with my dong song drum from mars bars, where girls go-a-go-go power rangers space patrol delta, nile river, where i swim, catch a cold, freeze to death cos i lost my health is wealth made from gold that we smelt in the heat that is swelt-eRing Ring goes my phone, pick it up and walk it out of town, face etched with a frown, and as i walk the son goes down, and the king looses his crown. Jewels are used to buy fuel to burn, and now that its my turn, the milk we chrus to make butter as i see that pretty girl, my heart goes a flutter. like all i can do is stutter, trip slip fall like a blimp. hello miss, mind if we go for a walk? i promise you i wont stalk, its just too bad were like cheese and chalk. C’mon girl i’m not just all talk, u dont have to baulk. No no im not lookin’ for a cheap faulk. don’t be like that girl, cos if you left now all i can do is sit down and sulk.
oh hello word association games.
taboo shoud have gotten with fergie.
why cant the good guys get the girls. why do i feel like a noob thinking about this. concentrate kader. finish your french first then you can think about frenching…
_______________________ _ _ _
amanda palmer x neil gaiman is gonna happen in 4 hours. but here i am at the lunchbox room. reading french.
but i stumbled up on this gem of a song… *happy.
_______________________ _ _ _
Bobby Chiu and Kei Acedera from Imaginism Studios. one of my fav artists on devart.
_______________________ _ _ _
kader, such a babe.
kader,that familiar familial tinge of jealousy. that feeling that somehow you’ve lost alot once again, and died a little inside with that introduction. that wonder as to why oh why? why didn’t i try harder, or at least try anything.
_______________________ _ _ _
kader, seems alot of people are stressing out over fyp.
kader, im grappling with the need to help out my friends versus the need to be selfish and work on just my thing… i think im gonna make that conscious descision to work on myself, because, one, im not much help anyways, and two, i’d be failing myself if i didnt manage to achieve awesome this time. im sorry friends. im just not talented enough to do both. im really sorry… i dont even think you’d want my help anyways. im just some that token fat foreign kid who dresses bad and cracks jokes. my opinions mean so little outside my group even though i can clearly see the mistakes that you are making. i try and tell you what you need to do. i pray it makes sense to you. i really pray it makes sense to you. you. if not, i hope you fail miserably, because im tired of caring when care is not wanted.
kader_i hate it when people put their peers on a pedestal, and rate them right on top. that is self defeating. i hope you can learn to have a little more faith in yourself. animation is not impossible to master. you just need to want it more than anyone else. so please start telling me so and so is definitely gonna get a job after graduation and this and that and the rest of us are going to fail in life. please dont lump me together with yourself. i dont want to hear it. your the escapist. your escaping animation because you dont want to put in the hours. you think so and so is good cos he was born smart. so and so sacrificed everything. his health, his girl, his other subjects, his friends. well so will i. so and so and so on. your nature stifles me.
kader_i entered animation thinking everyone was going to be successful with me, but 3 years on, all i see is a pile of grandiose visions swept aside like with the ideals of our fathers and the careers of our mothers. i only see people dropping out and going to nie. i do not see the passion i wanted to feed off of, and contribute to. i do not see people i want to work with. i see my lecturers as aimless and clueless as my peers, and i fear this negativity is killing the microcosm of my own group, which i treasure more than anything you could give me babe.
kader_this post is expletive free by the way. the first in ages.
expletive heavy. 2 knights to right many essays and read business notes… one quarter draft.
paying back your work debt by taking a loan from the sleep bank. so that you don’t get smelly when the defecation hits that oscillation. and trust me kids. its gonna fucking happen.
______________ _ _ _
when i see a couple enter a love hotel to bump uglies, i retch. i retch, because i imagine a roiling mass of fat and hair and sweat stretching a queen sized bed to the limits of its cheap wood and nail rig. why, perhaps the guy who hammered the nails into that particular bed could be fucking hammering and nailing on top of it right now.
hotel 81.
i really really hate the fact that hotel 81 is near my house. really. i went to but a bottle of 100plus and a can of red bull(not gonna sleep for the next 2 days) when i passed by this couple walk in to hotel 81. the old man had his hand so far up his woman’s skirt, he might as well changed his name to Gepetto.
you think to your self, that is one, ugly fucking mother fucker. and then you double back and realize in horror he could actually be a motherfaaaaaa…
and then you walk past the dingy shopping center where you cut your hair and take now and then whilst waiting for mom to come home and open the door since you forgot your keys… and you suddenly realise the amount of ass sold and snorted on in your vicinity might actually amount for more business than all the other establishments combined. two “hotels”, four”massage parlours” and one karaoke “lounge”. women dolled up with cartoony makeup. mamasan always touting me when i step out of the lift. 7-11 sells energy drinks, snacks, smokes, beers, coffee…. everythign you need.prata shop and durian shop provide the right kind of steamy stinky atmosphere to complement the general atmosphere of this lovely little cottage industry that caters to the people in my area who need to get on their good foot and do that bad thing, for less than a hundred bucks.
then you remmember that you still have 2 essays due last week and 5 lectures worth of notes and tutorials to sift through and one set of project and to top it off fyp which occupies an average of 20% of my thoughts at any time. so you walk off, into the orangey “darkness” of the night.
i will one day move out of serangoon. and this is the only thing i wont miss about this place. peace.
______________ _ _ _
this was a really eventful weekend. didnt get much work done. but it was fun.
on saturday.
graffiti workshop. hung out with rrrr and clavin. learnt the awesomeness of pink spray paint. hopefully i can enter the competition as well. not many thoughts with respect to this. i do know that i will one day leave my own marks on the walls of sg too. but i need to stop procastinating. moving right along to stop 2.trust me kids, theres alot to cover here. and btw, aids is bad for u.
yys bdae. walked for one fucking hour looking for the guys. covered almost 80% of east coast park. ate some cake. couldnt hang out more since i had other places to be and more people to meet. had the pleasure of seeing the book detailing stick and balloons trip thru europe. a real treat! the place they chose to chill out was actually pretty awesome. it was quiet. not too sandy. the view of the sunset made my day. then had to rush to meet andy and got to stop 3!
.jpg)
play.had to watch one for my drama class.
we watched a play that i will say was more style than substance. i’ll also say this was not a problem for me, for my shallow self was in absolute joy watching the play. there was one particular scene which seriously made my 25 dollars worth it. one of the actresses was describing a car crash and when she said BANG!, she said it as bang. in a normal, if not slightly softer tone. and the lights changed for the duration of that word to a deep deep inky red and immediately switched back and things went on as per normal. very cool. alot of things i saw in the play could be applied directly into animation as very very effective and economic storytelling technique. excited.
ive always had this smug concept that everyone outside adm in ntu was cattle. which is true for the most part. but its never a good idea to underestimate your peers. more than once ive seen ideas and levels of thinking far superior to my own. more often than not during this class… its been pointed out to me that ive fallen into a particular mould, a closed minded thought process moulded by 3 years of exposure to only one type of media. oh the irony. i’m supposed to be one of the ‘creatives’ but im just another cow in many areas, not just in physicality.
its sad i couldnt take any pics. andy and siti seem like pretty cool ppls, but i felt quite under dressed standing next to siti who was looking very very pretty todae. hot damn.take a moment to process that. so i kept my camera to myself. met jeremy there. that was a treat. cabbed with siti to stop 4, which was also the final stop for the day. had some interesting, if at times overly reminiscent cab conversation on the way, punctuated with moments of wtf, mind you, not initiated by me -_____- . cab conversation has its own special appeal, because of the unpredictable duration it lasts. the fact that more often than not you feel pressured to talk to the person next to you to get the full worth of your fare, to pass the time… to not have to stare at your phone as if you have some important message coming in… the intimate quality of vinyl seats moving at an average of 80kmph is not to be taken lightly, everyone makes a connection during this stage. even with the cab driver this can be achieved, although its abit difficult to do so since he needs to keep is fucking eyes on the road. so moving right along… part 4.
nicoles bdae
got there in time for the cake cutting. managed to keep to my no alcohol policy for the most part. but had one quarter of a draft before i left. felt some guilt, which is good. took some pics with my buddies frm year one. love them to bits. but you already knew that didnt you.
sunday was spent in bed and on my chair, watching family guy and flash forward. thinking about pretty girls with smarts and my superficial self.
at about 1030 i finally got to doing work, and walked to 7-11 to get some battery juice.
_______________ _ _ _
what if fyp turns into a nightmare?
a question that grips my throat everytime i take a shit or take a walk or sip my coffee. the complexity and the epicness of the various gags and transitions and effects we have crammed into our story frightens me whilst at the same time excites me. for whilst the spectre of failure looms everytime i switch on maya, the hope that i might finally achieve awesome is intoxicating. so very very seductive. so i soldier on. i push my life around. i dont do my fucking essays and i skip out on meetings, so i can do my fyp. and i dont regret it. because the kids at calarts and sheridan and gobelins and supinfocom don’t have to put up with shit like french and business finance. so neither will i.
_______________ _ _ _
It occurred to me that those of us who tirelessly train to improve an ability, don’t do it simply for the sake of perfecting a technique; we do it to get a hold of that incredible feeling, the feeling we get when what we will to happen seems to correspond perfectly in changes with our surroundings. It’s that moment when technique is no longer an issue, and desire is the only thing needed to make a difference…
moety
_______________ _ _ _
kader.i love all my friends and im gonna miss adm when i graduate. i wont miss ntu thou.
i couldnt see my play!
and we had to sit down and talk abt play. that is not right man. not right at all! NOT AT ALL!
although, i think my screen idea is pretty awesome. if only we had adequate time to work it out. its just such a shame i cant afford to burn more time on cdp101. its like once you step into yr4, your time and strength just fizzles out. i really have high hopes for the final project thou. ive met some individuals in my class who have amazed and inspired me with the flair and wit (one has flair, but isnt fair… one has wit, and he is fair…) with which they play their scenes.
its really interesting to work with people outside your school, as always…
its really really not interesting to engage in an intellectually draining lesson whilst sitting on the floor in an over air conditioned room whist your prof lulls u to sleep with a very wordy lecture on alienation in brechtian play. add to that the fact that there are 3 ppl close to sleep next to me and its a pretty lethal combination -__-
________________ _ _ _
but more importantly…
________________ _ _ _
“An idea is is fragile. it can be killed by a scornful smile, a yawn. It can be mowed down by irony and scared to death by a cold look.“
Chrales Browe, advertising boss
________________ _ _ _
day dream ,
i fell asleep beneath the flowers
for a couple of hours,
on a beautiful day,
________________ _ _ _
lupe fiasco. woah.
________________ _ _ _
kader_rock on rock on.
